6:00 pm »

Just over six years ago my son lost his dad.  Mark wasn’t his biological father, but for all intents and purposes was the only person he ever knew of as a dad.  He died suddenly for reasons unknown and we found him on the couch one morning before work and school.  Since then we’ve develop a strong, new family together with Bryan and his two kids.  But I still wonder how much of an impact that loss has truly had on the trajectory of Dylan’s life.  He struggles, he isn’t perfect and he doesn’t get to experience the success that I really wish for him all the time.  I know a lot of that is within his own control but I just wonder…would it be the same if it weren’t for that day?

I don’t expect Mark and I would still be together.  Our relationship was changing and we were growing apart.  But Dylan might still have at least had him in his life.  I look at kids he was friends with back then and watch their success.  Proud, smiling families.  And I wonder and feel like he got cheated.  Like those should have been his pictures but the opportunity was taken from him.  Maybe it’s connected, maybe it’s not.  Maybe it would have all turned out the same regardless.  We’ll never know and I don’t think I’d want to know.  Because wondering hurts enough as it is…

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