If you haven’t noticed, we’re pretty passionate people. This has its ups and downs. We can fight like mad sometimes over seemingly nothing, we can create ’til we can hardly keep our eyes open any longer and we can love so fiercely that it blurs our vision and inhibits our ability to function in the daily humdrum of society.
About two weeks ago I was in that blinding place where love makes me defensive and angry. I wrote about a girl that I obviously don’t think much of and how she’s ruining her daughter’s life. Since then things have changed dramatically.
(I’m pretty sure she didn’t see my post and probably doesn’t know what a blog is. I really don’t take back anything I said in that moment. I am beyond surprised at the events that occurred in those days following.) At this time my stepdaughter, thanks to the “permission” of her “mother”, is attending school in our city.
When we had first had the conversations about school and staying with us she wasn’t interested in any change. After walking through the halls and seeing the school she was singing a very different tune. She WANTED to come to this school with its library, playground, nature center….none of which existed at her old school. She called her mom and asked her. She immediately said no, forget about it. Hence the last post….
The next day the tide started to change. She was willing to talk to my husband about it . She expressed how it hurt to hear Nyah say that she wanted to stay here and go to school here. I can’t say I understand how that feels, but I can truly imagine. I get it. Her big concern was really just going to court, we assumed because of the child support. No problem, we thought. The last thing we want to do is rack up additional legal fees. We’ve got enough of that already. After 4 days of on and off, emotional ups and downs, we determined that we did indeed have to go to court. In the fine state of Ohio, and probably most states across the country, if you don’t have the womb the child came from you CANNOT be a residential parent unless the courts say so. Even if you never see your daughter. Even if you’re ready to move on with your life and let someone else be the parent. (It’s a bunch of garbage if you ask me). Well, crap.
Thankfully Bryan was able to remind her that these things can actually be done civilly through mediation. All they had to do was agree. Making a shared-parenting agreement with a civil, reasonable person was a breath of fresh air in our household. And what came of it? What was best for Nyah. In the end, that’s all that ever really matters.
Come to find out, the child support doesn’t even seem to be a concern anymore. I think she’s expecting it to go away. At this point it seems that see was honestly thinking about Nyah and her opportunity to have a great education, a stable, consistent family that loves her, and a home with parents and brothers and pets. She’s going to get to have all of that and more. And she is absolutely going to thrive.