Widowspeak: Make some changes if you’re ready…

If you feel like making changes in your world – DO IT.  Don’t ask anyone’s permission, don’t let anyone ask you if you’re sure.  You’ll know when the time is right.

One of the first things I wanted to do was get my house in order.  I spent almost a complete week confused, tired and zoned out.  People were constantly around, which was a good thing, and were doing everything for me.  After that, I needed to start doing things again.  You know, like shower and walk away from Facebook for more than 10 minutes at a time.

Once everyone left and I was left on my own I needed to get my house back in order.  It was one thing that I had control over – that I could change.  I could do the dishes and see results.  In a moment of clarity I had a urge to CLEAN (eeck…) and add a couple of simple things to my living room.  I went to Target and realized, “wow…I can pick whatever I want.”  Not that we normally disagreed about things to put in the house, but I didn’t have to wait and ask anyone elses opinion.  It was kinda liberating.

So that started the ball rolling.  The next major step was claiming a space for myself.  That turned out to be the master bedroom.  I wanted it to be mine, with the bedding I wanted, with a chair for me to read in, with the artwork that I liked on the walls.  I wanted to erase the traces of him from the room if I was going to sleep in there again.  And I wanted to be able to share MY room with someone again in the future.

It was only two weeks.  It’s probably fast to a lot of people but it was the right timing for me.